The Ultimate Third Wheel
by disneyfan056
Summary: (Human High School AU) Peridot explains to Amethyst why she hasn't slept over someone's house in a while


"It's really lit that you were able to come over, Peri!"

"It was nice of you to let me stay the night, Amethyst" Peridot sat her bag down on the floor.

"It's really been a year since you've slept over someone's house?"

"Yeah…" Peri felt her face flush slightly.

"How come?"

"W-well... "

"Come onnnn, spill the beans, nerd."

She went even redder. "It's rather embarrassing, honestly…"

Peridot relaxed into Pearl's bed. It sure was nice of her to sleep on the floor while her and Garnet slept on the floor.

Peri was laying down, her headphones in and scrolling idly through Instagram. Maybe this sleepover wouldn't be so bad after all. It was her first time, and she had been afraid of third-wheeling Pearl and Garnet, but they seem to be very accommodating. All was well.

The last little bit of "Play Date" faded out, and her music paused. She rolled her eyes. From time to time, her music did that; just randomly stopping. She went to search for another song, when she heard a strange noise. She took off her headphones and listened closer. Sure enough, it sounded like some sort of mewing noise. She was confused for a moment.

Then it hit her. That mewing was Pearl, and it was sounds of pleasure.

No. It couldn't be. They _couldn't_ be.

Peri was now fully aware, and frankly horrified. Her friends were having _sex_ right there not ten feet away from her. Was this actually happening? After all the times Pearl had ragged on her for merely hugging Amethyst, _this_ was happening?!

Shaking, she slowly peered over the bedside, terrified of what she might she. There was a chance that they'd be covered up, but there was also a chance that they wouldn't be. _Then_ what would she do? Die on the spot, most likely. Thankfully, they had a sheet over top of them, but Peri could see what was clearly an arm moving up and down under the sheet.

Oh my _god._

This was like something straight out of a nightmare. What the hell was she supposed to do? Would it be rude to tell them that this was weird? Was it rude of _them_ to just fuck with her right there in the room?

Peridot wanted to run. This was too weird, too much. Unfortunately, unless she opted for jumping out the window, there was literally no way of discreetly escaping. In order to get to the door, she'd have to step over them, which would make things _very_ awkward. Why did these things have to happen to her? Worst of all, it was 2 am, and Amethyst and Lapis was already asleep. She had no one to turn to. She was on her own.

Defeated, she quietly laid back put her headphones back on and tried to listen to her music and go to sleep. Sleep seemed impossible, now, however. No matter how loud she turned up her music, it couldn't drown out the moans now drilled into her skull.

The minutes felt like eons. Time always seems to slow when you're stuck in an awkward situation. After a half hour, there seemed to be no hope. They weren't slowing down, and Peri feared that they'd be going at it till sunrise.

She slowly crept across the bed and grabbed her trusty clipboard. If she was gonna have to suffer, she was at least gonna doodle out her woes.

She slowly tucked her knees into her chest and leaned over. She didn't feel like laying down anymore, but she also didn't wanna be sitting completely upright.

Doodling her internal monologue helped pass the a little, but she still felt horribly embarrassed. Maybe she should try to lay back down again. She went to lay back down and pretend she'd been asleep.

Unfortunately, right as she sat up to move under the covers, Garnet sat up, her flannel disheveled.

Oh no

The two locked eyes.

"Oh! You're… awake"

Peridot could only manage a meek "S-sup?"

"Um… how long have you been up?"

Peridot felt her face flush. "T- the whole time"

"Oh my God, you mean-" She could hear the rising panic in Pearl's voice. She groaned, mortified. "I can't believe this."

"We uh, you're not uncomfortable, are you?"

"Oh no!" Peri quickly lied, offering a nervous laugh. She couldn't tell them the truth. She just couldn't. Pearl sounded humiliated enough; she couldn't just add insult to injury by admitting that yes, she had never been more uncomfortable in her entire life. "I-it's kinda funny when you think about it!"

"We honestly thought you were asleep"

Pearl continued to groan. "I can't believe we got spicy with our friend _fully conscious_ "

Pearl rolled over, her salmon colored hair tusseled and her hands over her face. Peri couldn't help but notice her pants were off and she was now only in underwear and a sports bra.

"No no no it's fine! I promise!"

Garnet smirked and said "Wanna join?"

Peridot's jaw dropped. She gawked at Garnet, then her eyes darted over to Pearl, who looked equally taken aback.

" _W h a t?!"_ she squawked.

"I'm just kidding, silly, though, we _should_ make it up to her somehow. Make it so that we _all_ did something."

Peridot's eyes widened. Whatever she had in mind, she surely wasn't ready for it…

"And that's when you guys kissed?" Ame asked, popping popcorn into her mouth. Apparently this story had been entertaining enough to warrant a snack.

"Yep. It was surreal."

"Wow. That's like, the highest level of third wheeling."

"Tell me about it. Once you conquer all other third wheeling, that is the boss level."

Ame snorted. "No wonder you haven't slept over anyone's house since, that would've shook me too."

Peri ran her fingers through her thick blonde hair. "Yeah, and unfortunately since I lied about not being uncomfortable, the next morning, well…"

"Holy shit, they did it _again_?"

"I was too scared to say anything! I was too shocked!"

"Man, had that been me, I would've called them on it so fast."

"Yeah, but you're also not an anxious nerd like me" Peri playfully punched her in the arm.

Ame ruffled her hair. "Well, rest assured, there shall be no third wheel fucking while you're here. Now, up for binge watching Camp Pining Hearts?"

"Always!" and with that, they layed down on the bed together and shared the rest of the popcorn.

"Hey P?"

"Yeah?"

"Remind me to roast the hell out of Pearl for that"

Peridot giggled. "Sure thing, clod."


End file.
